I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
