you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
