Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
