it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
