Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All the doctor said was why
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
