i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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