You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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