i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
