The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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