his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
