margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
