I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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