I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I could make wine with my vomit
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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