Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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