once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
