dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
