party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
