My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
