Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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