I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
