Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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