My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
