Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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