i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
