nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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