We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No I am not eating basil off your cock
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
