i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
