Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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