Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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