your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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