i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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