oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
