if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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