If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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