honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think my mom watched the whole time
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
