I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
