Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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