Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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