you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize