Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
