Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize