We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
