i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
