Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
