I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
