The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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