just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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