have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
