Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
