I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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