dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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