Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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