1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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