so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
