I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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