dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
