His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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